Personal Stories
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Sarah's Stories
I made the choice to breastfeed because I saw a pamphlet in my doctor's office about how you could help prevent allergies and asthma in your child my breastfeeding and I figured it was a small thing to do to give him a fighting chance at not having terrible allergies like me! I researched and tried to make myself as knowledgable about breastfeeding as I could before he was born. Nothing really prepared me for the challenges though! Later at one of Faith's appointments at her diabetic specialist I saw a poster on the wall for research study and through that I learned that breastfeeding is also known to prevent diabetes and with diabetes running in our family it was just one more reason. They sent me a case of study formula which quite honestly grossed me out long before I even gave birth! I was given signs and a little skull cap for the hospital to ensure that he would not be given anything but breastmilk.
After I had gave birth and they cleaned us both up, I tried nursing for the first time. They kind of half heartedly showed me how to do it and it was very uncomfortable but I figured that was normal since my nipples were just not used to being sucked on so voraciously! Then they applauded the fact that I was already nursing so easily and the latch looked perfect etc. etc. He nursed for about 45 minutes on each side the first time! I was told to keep waking him up every couple of hours and to write down how long and which side he fed on...what a load of crap. He was up all night long and I didn't get any sleep so I didn't care at that point that it was really starting to hurt when he ate, I was just happy to be putting him to sleep so I could sleep too!
3 days later...on the dot...my milk came in. All at once in a horrible painful swell, I was seriously engorged and Bradley couldn't latch on properly. My nipples at that point were really sore and chapped but nothing major. The wonderful public health nurses were calling me up to see if I was alright and one came over to show me how to hand express some milk to make it easier for B to latch on. It was absolutely amazing and empowering to see all that white beautiful milk coming out of me! After that Bradley became insatiable...constantly nursing. I was still writing down which side and for how long he was nursing because I was made to feel that it was important that I do so. Plus there was all the hype over making sure you were rotating sides, very confusing for me at the time! He started spitting up a lot, and his poop was becoming green. That was when I read about hindmilk and foremilk. Really that should be one of the first things that they explain to you!!! Once I figured out that it was OK to nurse him on the same side a couple of times in a row if he was nursing constantly things got a little better.
At that point my nipples were completely cracked open and bleeding. I was using Lansinoh with plastic wrap over top, every kind of nursing pad imaginable, I tried a nipple shield...it was awful. I literally screamed in pain and cried each and every time I fed him. One night/early morning I was feeding him lying down and suddenly he threw up all over me...I kind of groaned and opened my eyes to find myself covered in spit up with large chunks of blood in it. I thought I was going to have a heart attack...I freaked out so badly! I immediately called the Healthy Beginnings hotline and they told me to go to emergency. I bawled my eyes out all the way there. When I got there they told me that I didn't have to worry, if the blood were from him it would look more like coffee grounds and since it was bright red they figured it was just from me. A few different doctors and a dozen nurses came in to look at my nipples in horror. They said that they had never seen any looking so bad. They watched his latch with confusion since it was 'perfect' and they had no suggestions.
When Bradley was 3 weeks old I had simply had enough of the pain so I called a Lactation Consultant. She came over and watched him nurse and confirmed that he was latching on just fine. She suggested that I try syringe feeding him to let the nipples heal. After a week of that I soon gave up...it was soooo hard! Pumping every time he ate so that I was keeping up with him, my pinky fingers were chapped from him sucking on them, it took FOREVER to feed him and he became so gassy with the extra air he was sucking in which made him fussy and I was exhausted. So once again I sucked it up and just nursed him through the pain.
The lactation consultant also introduced the idea of formula companies being bad guys to me. She pointed out that A major formula company was a major contributor to the research study that I was taking part in and asked me if I ever wondered why they didn't actually offer any breastfeeding support, just a case of formula and the suggestion that I try to breastfeed. It really made me wonder if the study was really about proving that breastfeeding helps prevent diabetes, or if they were just trying to find a formula that they could say was safe for those who are at a high risk for getting diabetes. It was difficult for me to understand why a study that basically already knew that breastmilk was a preventative factor would provide formula that could potentially put an already high risk person at an even higher risk! However all this information did was strengthen my resolve to not give up.
About a month later he came down with a cold and I went to a drop in doctor and he asked how I was doing with the breastfeeding and I explained the problem and he promptly said that he would write me a prescription for Nystatin just in case it was thrush. He said even if it wasn't thrush it wouldn't hurt Bradley and it was worth a shot. I had never even considered that this was what it could be since the only symptom I had been told to watch for were white patches in baby's mouth. I researched thrush on the internet when I got home and discovered that we had really weird symptoms like shiny nipples, a clicking noise when Bradley nursed and more obviously painful, cracked nipples! Within 2 days of using the medicine my pain was completely gone and within a week my nipples were completely healed! We successfully nursed after that until I became pregnant when he was 11 months old, 
when I was about 2-3 months along he weaned himself.
As for Katie, I just assumed that it would be easy peasy smooth sailing...and it was slightly more difficult than that. I was a lot more relaxed about EVERYTHING, from co-sleeping to knocking the phrase "you can't possibly be hungry you just ate!" right out of my head. My milk came in ever so slowly over 3 or 4 days which was very different than Bradley, I have never once been even slightly engorged. But she was just as strong of a sucker as Bradley (if not more) and she cracked my nipples open in the exact same spots as her big brother (I know because I have scars and that's where they opened up!) but they healed quickly and within a few weeks it was all good and we are still going strong at nearly 8 months old :)
Sarah